I'm not sure I understand Facebook


After much heel dragging, I have finally started a facebook page.  Woohoo!  (Okay, actually the feeling for me is more like “Gulp!”)

The page is Frances Ulman PhD.  Still working on how I will balance content between my blog and the FB page.  Meanwhile, please enjoy this picture above that shows my level of Facebook literacy.  I hope I don’t break Facebook while learning my way around it.    :)



April 19, 2013

what screws us up

Body of Evidence

We will never find happiness when we are too stuck in our own single story.  We MUST see the world from a perspective larger than just our own eyes to see the full complicated truth that is out there, beyond just our personal story.  Beauty and happiness lie in the bigger picture.

When it comes to how we see our own body and face we forget that our little window into the world is often distorted.  TRULY distorted.  When looking at an image of ourselves – in the mirror or in pictures – we judge, we criticize, we compare, we go on seek and destroy missions about our “flaws”….  all of this non-acceptance is like looking at a reflection in a fun house mirror that is stretching, smashing and skewing the truth of our own unique beauty.

Sing the Body Electric

These lines are from one of my favorite poems – I Sing the Body Electric, by Walt Whitman.

Was it doubted that those who corrupt their own bodies conceal themselves?
And if those who defile the living are as bad as they who defile the dead?
And if the body does not do fully as much as the soul?
And if the body were not the soul, what is the soul?

Walt Whitman writes about the beauty of the human body, and the need to honor it in all it’s forms.  We are born with the ability to see ourselves.  Some of us just lose that ability from years of taking in misinformation from others (often from the media).  It is not our beauty that is lost.  It is our habits of criticizing and “improving” that lead us away from the truth of our beauty.

Watch this video.  What might you have said?  What habit might you need to change to get back to singing your body electric?

Love this

April 10, 2013



Only Connect!

EF Forster famously wrote “Only connect!” in his 1910 Novel Howards End to mark the 100 year Pre-Anniversary of a time when we could be digitally connected with our iThingy at all times, day and night, alone or with others, on the subway or while at dinner with friends.  Sure, at the time his prose were interpreted as a call to connect with others, and connection with others was the only reason to get up in the morning.  But we know better, don’t we?

“Friends don’t let friends lose their capacity for humanity.”

Sadly, it seems being connected with our digital gadgets can have a real impact on our ability to connect with others through a withering of our capacity for empathy.  A friend passed on this interesting article about the neuroscience behind the harm we are doing to ourselves when we spend too much time plugged in, rather than being tuned into the people around us.  Worth a read!  Original article here.  

Positive Psychology:  What it is, What it is Not

Here is a great description of what’s so great about the science of positive psychology.  My only quibble is that Martin Seligman once again is elevated above the many others who have been a part of this movement.  No doubt we owe a lot to his hard work and publicity, but “co-founder of the positive psychology movement” tends to make it sounds like there was no movement before him.  And turns out Buddhism has been talking about the same principles since a good bit before Seligman arrived on the scene.  But I digress!

Yes you, Mey!

March 29, 2013


Oh, it’s early in the morning and my word brain is not yet awake so I’ll keep this brief.  If you have ever felt like you were waiting for permission to feel good in your body and that invitation never seems to come in the mail, you may want to try taking a page from Mey’s book.

Write your own darn invitation – and RSVP yes!  Thanks for sharing some of your story with us, Mey!



As Kate Bornstein says in her memoir (and I am quoting from memory because I loaned the book out, so forgive the approximation of her words):

“I finally realized that there is nothing wrong or anti-feminist with wanting to look cute.”

As someone who considers herself a feminist AND has enjoyed playing with different ways to glam up my mortal coil, I couldn’t agree more.

Of course it can be hard to look cute if you aren’t finding clothes that fit your body type.  That’s why I was very excited to come across a new blog for curvy girls that is one part body acceptance, one part fashion.  Such a great mix!  I hope she keeps it up!


How did I just now find this transgender and genderqueer resource page?


Don’t Forget Your Star Player

Okay, I’m not endorsing all the language used here.  But with all the non-official authority I can muster I am endorsing Katt Williams as a self-compassion ambassador!