Self confidence needs self compassion needs self confidence

February 26, 2015

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Self confidence makes self compassion possible. Self compassion makes self confidence possible. We need both self confidence and self compassion to love our self and others completely. If you want to be the change you want to see in the world, start by loving your self or someone else completely without having any need for them or yourself to be different in the present moment.

To love yourself is to love others is to love yourself is to love others is to…. Extend this sentence out into infinity, where love lies as the final home for us all.

Self confidence without self compassion leads to acts of violence and aggression. It can look like dismissiveness. People with this imbalance may be found appropriating other’s resources, hearts, and bodies for their personal gain without consideration of how one’s actions are hurting the other person’s body, speech and mind.

Self compassion without self confidence leads to a weakening of spirit. In such a state people give more of themselves to others than they are able to take back in. They give freely with an open heart but they cannot receive the gifts others have to offer.

Either imbalance is detrimental to the cause of creating an enlightened society. People generally recognize the harm that comes from situations such as over confident leaders taking more than they need and refusing to share their profits with those most in need.

We need to wake up and recognize we also have a crisis of confidence in the other direction.  Allowing yourself to love yourself and let others love you completely is an act of balanced self confidence.  Our bodhisattvas are often those most unable to allow love in, which ultimately is what sustains self confidence.  For this reason, those who are most likely to live a life dedicated to helping liberate others from suffering are often the least able to model complete self confidence.  (Bodhisattva is Buddhist term describing any individual who dedicates their life practice to helping liberate all sentient beings from suffering. A bodhisattva might be a nun, a monk, a clerk at the grocery store, or a friend who is always there willing to give you a ride to the store. It’s not what you do. It’s how you do it that makes you a bodhisattva.)

In our mixed up world of today, bodhisattvas are often those the least able to nourish themselves with the love that others would like to offer in gratitude for their life of service.

This is my mission. I want the kind, generous, beautiful souls in this world who are here to help others not suffer to know the following truth. To know service to others is to know pain and suffering. Allow in the love people want to share with you in gratitude for helping them alleviate suffering. That is a gift to you, and a gift that nourishes you so you can keep going. If you are not able to take in the love others offer, your well will run dry.

Please ask yourself the following question. If someone looks you in the eye and says “thank you,” are you able to look them back in the eye and say “You are welcome.” If the answer is no, perhaps you can start filling your well back up in these small exchanges.

The world needs people who lead by example. We can’t have a society that operates on the assumption that everyone is worthy of love until we have bodhisattvas who can show us how to live in our hearts completely, meaning being able to give and receive love completely and infinitely.  Self confidence and self compassion are in balance when our hearts can give and receive love completely.

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One Response to “Self confidence needs self compassion needs self confidence”

  1. Linda Spalding said

    I am approaching age 70, and just now experiencing the concept of loving one’s self which begets self confidence. Those two words (foreign language) made no connection nor penetrated my body or mind for years and years. I was not aware of self confidence arising out of self compassion, arising out of self confidence… This article has synthesized the dynamics of self compassion and self confidence at a gut level.

    I recognize myself (unaware previously) in this statement: “Self compassion without self confidence leads to a weakening of spirit. In such a state people give more of themselves to others than they are able to take back in. They give freely with an open heart but they cannot receive the gifts others have to offer” Light bulbs flashing with this article. Gratitude to the writer, and Susan Orovitz for sharing your thoughts and posting this.
    My motto:

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